I'm back, she said cautiously.

Dear Bloggy Blog,

I’m sorry friend.  You have been neglected, it’s true.  There are a number of reasons for this; some good, some not so good.  My son turned one and has turned into a mess-making machine of a monster.  His idea of home sweet home is having as many items possible on floor level and watching Mommy step on them.  He laughs uproariously when we play hide and seek and shrieks uncontrollably at the bath.  He runs through the house with toilet paper flying behind him, like those message things hanging off the back of airplanes at the beach.  He is no longer fit for public consumption, unless you don’t mind him toddling around restaurants flirting with all women over the age of 60 and begging for food from anybody.  He is also completely, 100% adorable.  Basically the most gorgeous kid on the planet.  Just when I think I can’t stand the crud level in my house for one more second he amazes me with a huge smile, special hug, or new trick.  The Adventure of James is more terrifying and wonderful than I ever could have imagined.  It’s also exhausting.

My interest in blogging has led me to read other’s work more in the past few months.  This has been most enjoyable, but also discouraging, as the inevitable comparisons niggle the back of my brain.  To be completely candid, I haven’t blogged because I’m not as funny as I think, not as witty as him, or have as expansive a vocabulary as her.  I started blogging because I needed an outlet at work, and writing helped that.  Entering the realm of competitive blogging is dumb.  Not for me.  Must put these thoughts behind me.  Any suggestions?

Bloggy, I’ve started a new job.  And have had several part-time, “just this once” opportunities that have ended up being not just this once.  It’s great to network with the musicians in this fine city.  I’m loving teaching some very talented students.  And performing brings me to life in a certain way nothing else does.  But it takes me away from home and what was a routine just a few short months ago.  I’m fighting to figure out when it’s best to make music (and $!!) and preserve that huge part of my life, and when to say ‘no’ because finding childcare and balancing everything is way too stressful to be worth it.

Additionally, it’s winter.  In Rochester.  Which sucks.  I mean, falling snow is beautiful, and there’s nothing better than having your family in for the day with snow, soup on the stove, and light jazz in the background.  But snow in Rochester means you aren’t at home, because this city refuses to stop for inclement weather.  It means you have to drive in it, exist in it, dig out from it, and do so like it’s just another day.  When I was in college this didn’t bother me very much.  I think I was too busy with music to notice.  But since I’ve been married I notice.  And I don’t like it.  Every dreary, gloomy February that rolls around I start thinking, “I can’t live here another year.”  It’s much easier to hide under fleece blankets and glaze over watching Gilmore Girl marathons than acknowledge its soul-sucking existence.  I am more than ready for spring.  And being depressed about it is the pits.

So, there are some of my excuses dear blog.  But if you wade through all of that you can see, on the other side, that I have posted today.  I did it!  Here’s to a few more in 2013, and to the sun coming out sometime in the next 3 months.  Please.

This kid, and his daddy, keep me going.

There's gonna be a party!

James and I went shopping this morning.  It was a very special trip, as we needed important ingredients to make delicious food for a certain bear’s first birthday party.  The party is this weekend and Mama Bear is trying to figure out how to balance rehearsals and performances and part-time jobs and full-time mamahood with prepping food and decorations and favors and all things PARTY!  (Sneak peeks below…)

Today I am thankful for the financial resources we are blessed with.  That we can pay our bills and even have some leftovers for things like…

Stealing the idea, but this is not James.

It’s pretty challenging to be able to survive as musicians in today’s economy, and we are blessed with a wide variety of jobs that fit together to meet our needs.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Catching up!

I have been thankful.  I really have!  I just haven't been on my computer for any length of time because the weekend was insanely busy.  So here are my thanksgivings from the past few days...

Saturday I was thankful for wonderful grandparents (and Aunt Martha), who took such fabulous care of sweet James while VWH and I ran all over upstate New York at various conventions, rehearsals, and performances.  He told me all about it, and it's obvious he had a great time.  :)

Yesterday I was thankful for our GPS, which guided me safely around a bridge under repair and to an important church service on time.  I hadn't been to that church before, and the path to get there isn't exactly main roads, so having some satellite assistance was a blessing.

Today I'm thankful for my bestest friends from college, all of whom I miss very much.  (Those who aren't in the area, which is pretty much all of them.)  They've been a huge part of my life for the past almost-ten years (can you believe it?) and even though they may live in North Carolina or Florida or Canada or Pennsylvania or somewhere else, we've done a decent job of keeping in touch.  We became sisters in college and that bond isn't easily broken.  Here's hoping that the holidays will bring some of them up north for a good old-fashioned reunion!

Fluting it up

Today I am excited and thankful for the Rochester Flute Association and all that they do to enrich the fluting community of upstate New York.  This weekend is the RFA's annual convention and they're bringing in guest artist Marina Piccinini, professor of flute at the Peabody Institute.

Last year the convention was the weekend of my due date, so I didn't get to go.  This year I'm going, volunteering, and assembling the newsletter that will summarize the entire thing afterwards.  Just a few fingers in the pie...

I have two degrees in music and one specifically in flute, but am certainly not as immersed anymore since James has come along.  I play in a college-community orchestra, which is a great blessing, play in church, and do the occasional gig that comes along.  But I'm not playing as much as I would want to.  I can't.  Because if I did then I wouldn't get to spend as much time with James and VWH as I want to, and they're far more important.  

So when weekends like this come along I permit myself to take a break from the house and go be a musician for a few hours.  It will be grand! 

Cleanliness is next to godli...impossible

If I had a smart phone I would take a picture of my kitchen and post it.  Hurricane James is in bed and I have yet to mop up from the day's damage.  There are at least 30 books scattered around the floor, plus refrigerator magnets, sippy cups, and furniture askew.  And Tupperware.  All over the place.

In an attempt to placate James, we allow him to enter just one of our kitchen cabinets: the Tupperware cabinet.  (Actually, it's Rubbermaid or something even more generic, but we call it Tupperware so you'll just have to go with it.)  He greatly enjoys this cabinet, pulling out each lid and container and spreading them hither and yon.  Sometimes he gets extra-adventurous and enters the cabinet himself, exploring the deep recesses of the kitchen netherworld.

My Tupperware is very important to me.  I use it every day to pack lunches, put away leftovers, store baby food, and often eat out of (because what mom really wants to dirty another dish?).  I get a weird thrill out of stacking clean Tupperware together and seeing the nice, neat, organized piles when I'm finished.  (Square container pile, rectangular pile, circular pile, etc.)  I begrudgingly share it with James mostly because it's the safest of the kitchen cabinets.  I sometimes secretly wish I could block it off from him and avoid the mess on the floor each night (not to mention tripping over and stepping on it all day).

VWH also steals my Tupperware.  I am not the greatest wife when it comes to remembering to pack him a lunch.  So usually his lunch is leftovers, food he thankfully usually prefers to sandwiches and carrot sticks anyway.  It's quick for me to grab out of the fridge and it's quick for him to grab when I forget.  I freely admit that I could stand to improve in my lunch-preparing abilities.  But VWH could definitely stand to work on bringing the dirty Tupperwares back at the end of the workday.  I subbed for him yesterday and was reunited with a quarter of my dear plastic friends sitting on the floor next to his desk.  I know that at least another 25% is in his car.

So today I am thankful for the few precious plastic containers that remain unsmushed and unmoldy by the men in my life.  (Even though I wouldn't trade those men for a million Tupperwares...but that's for another day of thanksgiving.)  Here's to the homemaking queen and her wanna-be clean kitchen!

...and here's to reality.  This isn't my kitchen, but it's pretty darn close.

Transcribed from yesterday's notebook paper...

Yesterday I DID write down what I was thankful for—I just did it in study hall.  I was subbing for VWH yesterday and as I watched the mix of sophomores and seniors joke around with each other, play a game, do hair, and a little bit of studying, I couldn’t help but notice the awkwardness and insecurity.  You could see it on their faces.  “Do they really think I’m funny?”  “If I beat him in chess will I still have to wear this mask?”  “If I talk about how I’m pigging out at lunch maybe she’ll think I don’t usually eat this much.”  

And I wrote down on my paper: 

Today I am thankful that I am no longer a teenager!

Thankful for YOU

This week has been insanely busy.  I feel like a mom who works outside the house ("working mother" is such an inaccurately-used statement).  James has been dropped off here, there, and everywhere, visiting friends and family.  I can't wait for things to calm down and reclaim our happy times together at home, but know he is in excellent hands.

Today I am thankful for those people, who give of their time so freely to watch our son, and joyfully invest in his young life.  (And who don't accept payment, no matter how hard I try!)  We are abundantly blessed to know you, and James is blessed to have lots and LOTS of aunties and uncles to spoil him.  :)

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