I sit here, enjoying the final hour of the James Bear’s
afternoon nap, wondering if I will actually finish this blog entry. I am coming up with nothing to write about,
since my life is James-centered and anything I have to say about motherhood has
probably already been said a bazillion times.
Originality is non-existent. And
yet, my baby boy is the only James Bear the world has ever known!
The difference in my days now that I’m at home is
all-encompassing. Gone are the long
hours in front of the computer (unless this entry takes a really long time) and endless phone calls on the main line. My alarm doesn’t go off at 7AM. There are no more 10AM chai breaks or Tuesday
afternoon staff meetings or making polite conversation with co-workers whose
names you’re lucky to remember. There is
no more Fantasy Football with your office pool and pulling pranks in different
cubicles.
Chai breaks are at 8AM now, because by that point I will
have already been up for a few hours. I
don’t need an alarm clock because I am assured of safely waking up well before stores
and offices open. Staff meetings consist
of plotting out a monthly date night or two with VWH and I would kill to have
some polite conversation with anybody over the age of 21. I can still play Fantasy Football online I
suppose, but the extent of pulling the wool over somebody’s eyes is Peek-a-boo
with small James. J
My two closest friends live many states away. We do a good job of keeping in touch, using
Gmail chat and the phone to stay connected weekly. But increasingly it’s becoming harder to feel
like I’m being the best friend possible.
I think this probably can be attributed to the facts that:
1. Neither of them have kids.
2. We haven’t all been in the same location
together in 2 years.
3. I am really out of practice in
the art of good adult conversation.
VWH and I were the trailblazers when it came to getting
married and starting a family. One or
two of our closest college friends are married, and one of those couples just
had their first child, but they live far away.
That’s not a huge problem for us and we’ve enjoyed having a few words of
wisdom to pass along to those who have requested it. But in this new season for me, it would be
fantastic to have some other young mothers who are just as wrapped up in their
little ones’ lives to converse with. I
could talk about babies all day…but I’m very aware that I didn’t really want to
do that before I had one, so I try to steer clear of an overdose of it with
others. But James’ very existence means
that he’s always present in my thoughts—I couldn’t get away from him if I
wanted to (which I don’t). It makes the
way I communicate with others different, and I’m definitely still adjusting to
it. I don’t feel very good at it yet…
There are mothers out there who are willing to talk about babies---but
most of them have older kids or are empty-nesters, so I end up being their
audience for stories and advice. I don’t
mind small doses of that at all (it’s been quite helpful!) but where are the moms
my age? Where is the balance where two
friends can talk equally about marriage and family without one foisting too
much information on the other and/or boring her to death? I am either Too Old or Too Young.
Feeling pretty insecure about all of this.
