You know those kids books that have the sidebar of buttons
you can press when you see the corresponding pictures in the text? Maybe it’s
for a catchphrase, or a sound effect, or simply to let you know when to turn
the page? Well, today I took the kids to the mall, and we’re going to summarize
the adventure in a similar way. Here’s your key:
Key to sound effects:
@ = “the carousel”
$ = Want to buy that
! = Uh-oh
^ = protesting and squirming to escape
+ = “Dant-da-da-DAH!” (eighth, two sixteenths on Do,
accented half note on Sol)
One day, Julie, housebound for a week with a terrible head
cold, decided enough was enough and packed her two young sons up for a trip to
the mall. Why the mall, you ask? It wasn’t because she had a lot of cash to
burn and it wasn’t because the boys loved malls. No, the reason had much more
to do with a large area of space to walk and lots of open air to hopefully keep
the germ-sharing to a minimum.
Julie convinced her eldest son that going to the mall was a
good idea by promising him a ride on @. She was sure to triple-check that there
was, indeed, @ at this mall, because one time in the past she took him to the
one mall in Rochester that didn’t have @ and he was heartbroken. @ existed. She
was sure this time.
The trip out was short and pleasant. She buckled Owen into
his stroller, who did a lot of ^. James walked quietly by her side and they
entered the largest shopping mall in the city. Julie told them they should have
a contest to see who could spot the first dog, or monkey, or picture of a
snowman. James responded that they should look for @. Owen ^. The first store
they walked by was Williams and Sonoma, which made Julie ponder inwardly, “$.”
And then they passed the Apple store, ($) and Clarks ($). James said, “Hey
Mommy. You know what? We should look for @.”
So they walked to the closest map of the mall (a giant kiosk
with a touchscreen) and worked on their wilderness skills in map reading. No surprise,
@ was at the other end of the mall. Owen stopped ^ at the sight of the giant
screen and fell silent, finally content to take in the sights and smells of the
mall. Julie assumed there were smells. She walked past a pretzel shop, normally
the best part of a mall visit (smelling, not usually buying) but her olfactory
system had abandoned her sometime in the night.
The three strolled past clothing and shoe stores, wishing
fountains and giant potted plants. There was an enormous fireplace and comfortable
chairs. ($) James kept up a steady stream of, “Oh boy Owen! I think we must be
very near @. We are on our way to @. You know Mommy, it’s too bad that along
with @ there isn’t a train. Is @ around the corner? I think I see @.” Owen
continued to watch in peaceful silence.
Nearly across the entire mall, Julie paused in their journey
to insist that the boys come into the Lego store. I mean, how often do you pass
a Lego store? And James had never been in one. He reluctantly agreed, reminding
his mother that @ awaited as SOON as they were done. The Lego store wasn’t half
bad, it turned out. “Hey Mommy, $. And after $ let’s get to @.” Owen dropped a
few pieces, “!” on the floor but mostly just looked at the big displays set up
around the store’s perimeter. It wasn’t until Julie leaned down to pick up the
pieces Owen had dropped that she noticed.
“!”
“Owen, you sneaky little rascal. WHEN did you kick off your
shoes?”
“!”
“James, Owen kicked off his shoes.”
“! But Mommy, we still need to ride @.”
After a moment in thought, Julie gave the sneakers up for
lost. Traffic was picking up in the mall and, while she would certainly keep an
eye out for them on the way back, the chances of finding two separate sneakers
were slim. If only they were near a shoe store… Julie knew from prior
experience that the next best thing to shoe shopping is shoe shopping for
somebody else.
So the decision was made to journey onward. The trio exited
the Lego store, turned a corner, and
James, <sharp intake of air> “+ @ @ @ @ + MOMMY.”
Owen, “!”
We crossed the food court, nearly victorious in our quest.
You could almost taste it. (Well, the boys could.) And then Julie saw the sign,
“One dollar per ride. Exact change only.”
She had, along with triple checking the existence of @,
scoured the house from top to bottom for cash. At last, when she was sure she’d
have to stop by the bank, she located a tenner tucked away in a jar. But now…she
needed single dollars, and didn’t know how to come by them.
But wait--Customer Service. And literally just down the side
hallway. What luck! With James nearly panicked at being taken even a few feet
away from @ Julie walked them into the empty side room.
Nice customer service rep, “Well hello there. How can I
help?”
Julie, “Would you be able to break this ten so we can ride
@?”
James, “Hey, younno what? WE’RE gonna ride @.”
Owen, “!”
Customer rep, “Sure, no problem. @ huh? Sounds pretty fun.”
James, “Yeah, it sure does sound fun. It’s too bad there isn’t
a train.”
Rep casually exchanges my bill and sees James eyeing up a
large rack of brochures, “You know, you can take some of those if you want. Do
you have a favorite pictures?”
James, <blank stare>
Rep, “Which picture is your favorite?”
James, <blank stare>
Julie, “James, do you have a favorite paper up there?”
James, <blank stare>
Julie, to rep, “Sometimes he gets a little one-tracked in
his mind.”
James, “Hey, is it almost time for @?”
The mother and two little boys returned to @ and, as Julie
unpacked Owen from the stroller, another young mom peered at his feet.
“Hey, did he lose his shoes by any chance?”
Julie, “Yes! He did!”
Owen, “!”
Nice young mom, “We saw those by the kiosk near Starbucks.
Were you near there?”
Julie, “Yes!”
Mom, “I thought about turning them in or asking people along
the way but I figured I’d just leave them there if somebody was going to
retrace steps. We’re looking for a hat my little guy lost anyway.”
Julie, “Hey! I saw a hat! It was draped over a sign on the
other side of the Starbucks! I had forgotten about it until just now.”
Mom and Julie high-five each other.
James, “@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “
Owen, “^ ^ ^ ^ ^”
Julie paid, with singles, for two boys to ride @, escorted
them up the stairs to the second floor (it was quite @), and settled down on a
bench. James sat with rapt wonder, barely moving, not smiling, drinking in
every nanosecond. Owen ^. And ^. And ^ some more.
The ride was over far too quickly for Julie, and James’
monologue about @ resumed immediately upon dismounting. They went back through the
mall a different route (so as to avoid reporting to Herod their findings…) and
James was the first one to spot Owen’s shoes, exactly where the lady had said,
under the beaming kiosk.
Owen grinned ruefully as Julie crammed his feet back inside
and tightened down the Velcro as tightly as she dared. They had only spent two
dollars, in spite of Julie’s longing to $. She glanced wistfully at Starbucks,
remembered that she couldn’t taste anyway, but then thought about her sore throat.
$
“I’d like a small chai latte, extra hot please. And we’ll
have a cake pop and some milk.”
“Chocolate milk Mommy.”
“Chocolate milk.”
The trio finished their snacks. Owen, being allergic to
nuts, “!,” noshed on penguin crackers. Julie was just zipping them back into
their winter coats when James looked up and said, “You know Mommy. I think we should
just go to the Lego store one more time.”
So they did. Julie sipped her chai and watched Owen’s feet
as they re-retraced their steps. James talked about @ and Legos and spelled all
of the store signs as they passed. Owen mostly watched, with occasional fits of
^.
And by the time they got home it was lunch time. Mission
accomplished.
