Ten minutes of peace

I’m sitting, slouched, in my office chair. I had music of my choice on, quietly, but I shut it off because it was too loud. My work is done for the weekend’s church services and I have fifteen minutes to myself. I should probably go outside and get some fresh air, but I’m too tired. And it might be too loud. Maybe I should get a cup of coffee somewhere, but I don’t have the energy to get up to go get it. And I might have to talk to someone, which would be too loud.

I’m very tired. My ears hurt. I don’t notice it until it’s quiet, but then the contrast is unmistakable.

I love my boys so much. I love their silliness and their imagination and their energy and joy. I love their curiosity and innocence and peculiarities. I love their dirty knees and their short haircuts and their sweet smiles.

I’m getting a decent amount of sleep at night. Felix sleeps for 8 hours, eats, and then puts in another 3 or 4. I’m only having to get up once a night. I shouldn’t be this tired, right?

I am housebound. After two partial days of solo parenting I’m aching to get out and DO something, but the collective manifesto of all that would need to happen to transport three children under the age of 6 quickly nullifies the desire. So we play baseball in the backyard. Or they dig behind the bush in the front yard. And I pace the 40 feet in front of our house and do laps around the yards with Felix, bouncing and singing, just trying to keep him calm.

James yells at Owen for taking his shovel. Owen yells “NOOOOO!!” back, not because it means anything, but because it’s a loud, fun word to yell. This alternates for another couple of minutes while I pace. Per usual, they sort it out on their own. But in the meantime, noise.

Felix is slowly becoming formulaic. One nap >  90 minutes = 60 minutes of contented consciousness. Nap < 90 minutes = spiral into exhaustion—screaming—doze for 10 minutes—screaming—exhaustion—doze—etc. Most days are at least half the latter. I can count on one hand the number of days when we’ve had two naps long enough to pacify and reset. This isn’t healthy, but I haven’t hit on the answer yet.

I look at the laundry baskets, full of folded clothes that we did the last time we were both home. Haven’t gotten them upstairs or put away yet.

The dishes are done. Meals have been eaten. I’m staying on top of thank you notes.

I’m even getting in a few bites of books here and there. I could go for a really good, easy, summer read right now. Any recommendations? Currently reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma and Simple Church. Neither are doing much for me right now, other than acting as sedatives.

Soon I will need to direct a choir rehearsal for an hour, speaking loudly and attempting to multitask as much productivity into a small amount of time. This reeks of familiarity...

Tomorrow Roy has promised two hours to myself in the morning. I plan to drive to Webster where there is coffee and retail. I have already looked up what times different stores open to best maximize my time. But I may end up just reading in Starbucks.

Either way, it will be quiet.

Quick (?) Hitters

Life with a Felix

I haven’t blogged in a month and a half. This is because we have a new baby, and the initial burst of energy and exhilaration has slowly turned into the daily routine of endless feeding, changing, burping, scrubbing, rocking, snuggling, and praying for sleep. Felix is 8 weeks old now and bestows his best smiles for his mama, which prevents him from being called ‘Fleix’ very often. When he is rested, fed, and on a normal digestive schedule he is generally content. Those conditions aren’t met in tandem very often. Alas, he has followed in Owen’s footsteps and proven wildly unpredictable in filling his diapers, leading to fussiness and an inability to sleep long stretches during the day. Watch out if you are the lucky individual whom he blesses with the Ultimate Blowout. Still, he is oh, so handsome and sweet and those big blue (currently) eyes melt hearts. I suspect we will keep him a while longer.

Date Nights In

We have kept up with our DNIs, but I haven’t written a summary in a few months. I have lots of pictures of the food, which has been enjoyable. It’s a lot harder to do a Date Night In with a newborn who doesn’t go to bed until after his brothers. Felix has joined us twice now and, while mostly behaved, one has to constantly remind one’s self to slow down and enjoy each hard-earned bite. Only two more months to go and we will have cooked our way through the entire book!

Two Kids Versus Three

I had a lot of people tell me that transitioning from one child to two was far harder than two to three. I have waited almost two months before rendering my verdict. And I officially disagree. When Owen came home from the hospital we had a very difficult time getting James acclimated to having a new kid on the block. It was heartbreaking to watch him struggle, but we were still able to each hold a kid/spend time one-on-one/tag-team around the house. This time around both James and Owen have been fantastically well-behaved. They are gentle (mostly) and loving (always) around Felix, play together beautifully, and quite readily accept having a baby in the house. But we adults are suffering. Zone defense is hard. Really hard. In the past two days we’ve given more baths because of blowouts and accidents than fit on one hand. (Each child was bestowed at least two of those baths…) Meals are loud and borderline uncontrollable. Trumpet practicing goes hand in hand with Felix screaming. And the couple of times we’ve required any form of childcare, the stress of figuring it all out makes me want to crawl under my bed and hide. And it’s still SUMMER. Everything is just now ramping up for the fall with jobs and school. I’m terrified anytime I allow myself to think past today. (This is not an exaggeration.) Insert clichés about Precious Seasons and It All Goes By So Fast and Enjoy Every Second. I’m ignoring you, all of you. This is the most beautiful, precious, HARD thing we’ve yet to tackle in our ten years of marriage.

In other news:

·         James is reading Great Illustrated Classics and Calvin and Hobbes entirely on his own.

·         He also learned how to ride a bike in ten minutes, after declaring boldly to me walking out the door that “I’m going to learn how to ride my bike without training wheels if it kills me.”

·         Owen wants to be five. Or three. Pretty much any age that isn’t two. But he is Oh. So. Two.

·         Outside has proven a saving grace for all this manly energy in my house. The boys love scooters, bikes, the playground, baseball, “buffalo” (that’s Owen-speak for football), and hiding precious commodities in the front bush. Or filling diapers with other commodities behind the front bush…

·         I’m back at Pearce, which is undergoing an enormous amount of change and transition. It feels as if I’m starting a new job. This hasn’t exactly alleviated any of my exhaustion or stress. Still, it does ignite my heart to be making music again in some form.

·         Roy is Super Dad and Super Husband. I think we both realized early on with Felix that if we turned on each other it was all over. It’s been, in spite of the insanity, a really sweet season for us as we serve each other and our kids. We are surviving on prayer, humor, and gallons of coffee.

I make no guarantees for when I’ll be back. Like I already said, looking past today is just about impossible. So, ta-ta for now!

First check up

Bless the patient people at CCFM who waited far beyond Felix’s actual appointment time for my husband to rectify all the errors in the insurance made by the very “helpful” rep we dealt with at the hospital.

Bless Felix, who waited patiently an hour past his mealtime in the waiting room as we attempted to figure it all out.

Bless the actual doctor, who let me nurse a ravenous Felix while she caught up on our family news, asking lots of questions about James and Owen, because she remembers them and thinks they are great.

Bless the receptionist, who was celebrating her 60^th birthday with a big gaudy necklace with big, fat 60s all over it. Subtle it was not.

Bless the elderly lady who came over in the waiting room to ooh and ahh over our little bundle of perfection.

Bless the other elderly lady who, upon seeing my baby, felt the need to inform me of her bra size on her wedding day, while she was nursing her children, and after recently starting diabetes medication. “I had nothing, nothing, nothing, and now I’m Dolly Parton!” she proudly informed me.

Bless the third elderly lady sitting next to me who had to hear that, and a whole lot more, from second elderly lady.

And BUH-LESS the perfectly normal, mom-of-teenage-boy in the waiting room who saw Felix and commented on how tiny he was.

“He's beautiful. How old?”

“Thank you! 5 days.”

“Ah. So, not yours?”
“Yessss…mine.”

“Oh. There is NO STINKING WAY you had a baby 5 days ago! I figured you were his aunt or something!”

Yes, BLESS.

Photo Drop: June

FOOD

Strawberry rhubarb pie. Smith men insist on these come spring and, while time-consuming, it probably is my favorite type of pie as well.

Hibachi with my folks. The boys' first time. James cautiously loved it.

Owen openly loved it. He would have caught rice in his mouth all day if the chef had been game.

Best cheesecake ever. 

Tried seaweed salad at California Rollin'. It was amazing!

When your best friend knows you're almost done your DNI cookbook and you adore cookbooks and you're going to France in one year. #perfectpresent

New glass mixing bowl from my boys for my birthday. It's working a lot better with bread making and gripping the lockplate.

LITTLE BOYS

Asleep in the new van. As it should be.

Room for Hamways now!

There are many more photos of Owen I'm afraid. He is a total cheese-ball when it comes to the camera.

Eating a doughnut.

Fell asleep in the flower pot.

The sweetest little feet.

The saddest little foot. (May I just add lugging around a 2 year old with a sprained ankle for 5 days is ZERO FUN when you are 9 months pregnant.)

Off on a treasure hunt.

Daddy made the swords. 

The last few days of my baby being my baby. Another reason I can't stop taking photos these days.

Breakfast with Georges.

A puppy came to visit. James said, "Maybe someday we should get a puppy. Maybe." Owen said, "That siwwy puppy twied to TASTE me!"

Putting in a little raised bed for herbs and some veggies. 

And adding some colorful flowers to welcome people to our home!

They are so BIG! I can't handle it. My mommy hormones are just ugly-exploding all over.

ASSORTED

Loving little Lucia Holdridge.

I mentally stuck 20 post-its all over this car for blocking me into my driveway...

Retreat at Panek Lodge with the two besties.

It was, in a word, perfection.

Friends for life.

Raspberry cordial at Anne of Green Gables movie night. What a sweet shot of Alexa!

Helping hands when Mommy can't walk so well anymore. 

Two years since my last haircut. Julianna always does great work, I'm just terribly lazy about keeping up with it.

Family bakery walk.

We have a video of Roy reading this book to James when Owen was firstborn. I caught him reading it to Owen days before Owen becomes the big brother and I had some more ugly-hormone explosion.

I'm convinced. A summer pedicure is worth the investment, especially if you are, as your husband calls it, "profoundly pregnant." 

Moms

This year I spent some time reflecting on my mom, and my mother in law. They are great. But I couldn’t help but expand my thankfulness to a whole slew of women who have shown me what it is to be a great mom. Some of them I know personally, some of them I’ve never met. Not all of them have children of their own. But they’ve each profoundly impacted how I view life, myself, and my children.

Mom D: For your ever-creative, boundlessly optimistic, common-sensical approaching to momming. You’ve given me more than anyone and I marvel at the sacrifices made out of pure love for us. I, quite honestly, do not understand how you managed to be at home 24-7 homeschooling and mothering us for so many years without losing your mind. You’re incredible!

Mom S: It’s perfectly acceptable to let things happen organically. To believe that your children will be fine even if you as mom aren’t involved in every second and every interaction. Trusting your children is a gift to them, and to you. I’ve learned about listening first, last, and always, and the power of love multiplied.

J---: Patience, love, and joy. Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it. We get up and try again and we CAN do hard things.

K----: Never settle. Look for the new exciting thing around each corner.

D----: My self-worth is just that—worthy. You will never fully assimilate into anybody else and that is good. Learn to love yourself and the unique contribution you bring to the world.

C----: Trust that there are women who will listen to you and love you for who you are, not for what you do. Not every gift or interaction has to be perfectly, equally reciprocated.

B---: Working moms can be GREAT moms.

A----- R: It’s OK to be an introvert and to self-care. Guilt is crippling for you and your children. You give them a far greater gift by modeling what it is to know what you need and make it a priority.

Grandma W: Play more games! Try new activities! Live a life brimming with sweetness.

Grandma D----: Work hard. Trust your instincts. Make something incredible out of nothing. 

Grandma S: Welcome with open arms those not in your immediate circle.

Grandma D-----: Don’t criticize or recoil from your heritage—embrace and value it instead.

M-----: How to hope. How to be brave. And how to re-choose that weekly, daily, hourly.

L------ O: How to grieve, how to embrace community in a healthy way during the worst of times.

J--: Keep your family close—fight for them and your times together.

Also, I ran into Wegmans first thing this morning before church to nab a couple of Mother’s Day cards and couldn’t help but laugh at the positive slew of pajama-clad men pawing frantically at flowers, cards, and pastries in the front half of the store. Many were dragging sleepy-eyed children along behind them; all had a slightly panicked look that said oh so clearly, “Crap. I forgot about this until I woke up and looked at my phone.” Happy Mother’s Day!! :D

This 'n' That

This time of year…

So it’s no secret that Rochester is an incredibly grey, gloomy, cold city. Winters are brutal and long. Unless you have some superpower of retaining high levels of Vitamin D and prefer sub-zero temps, February and March suck. But we all know it, and we’re all prepared. We stock up on soup supplies and wool socks. We choose to emphasize the glories of homemade hot chocolate, fireplaces, and hot showers and look past the misery. We get to practice a lot, every year.

But you know what always, always, seems to catch us off guard?

Right now. Early May. Or late April. Or late May. That inevitable brief season, the opposite of Indian Summer, when the trees have bloomed and the yard has been mowed and people have walked up to Netsins for ice cream at least once, but then the temperature dips back into the 40s (30s) and it rains for ten days straight. And people Lose. Their. Minds. My children have been cooped up inside after tasting the glories of spring. I haven’t been on a long walk in over a week. My private students are distracted and ill-prepared. Teachers are complaining about classroom behavior. We’re all so very short-tempered and crabby.

I don’t really have any solutions. But I’m naming it. And that, for me, is half the battle. Stay strong. Have an indoor picnic. Make an icy fruit smoothie and drink it in the warmest room of your house. Get out if you can. Tickle your kids instead of yelling and pray for patience.

Speaking of praying for patience…

Owen has decided that sleeping is for wimps, even if you’re in an awesome big-boy-bunk-bed. We’ve chosen to address this by giving him a gentle but firm talking-to about staying in bed, but once we catch him out transferring him back to the crib (which Roy reattached the front to because he was hopping out there too). Yesterday I went up after an hour’s worth of rest time and found:

·         Owen standing by the door

·         Climbed out of his crib

·         Thrown every pullup over and into his crib

·         Climbed up on top of his changing table (!)

·         Pulled out 200 wipes and made a “big big pile.”

·         Filled his diaper with a special gift just for me

In case you were wondering, I didn't tickle him...

If you read one thing today…

I should begin by saying that Baby Boy #3 got a perfect checkup yesterday and seems to be cooking beautifully. But this topic is near and dear to my heart, and probably to yours too. We all know someone who has lost a child. Or somebody who will. Read this. Bookmark it. Save it for when you need wisdom and/or comfort. It's brilliantly written.

http://pinchofyum.com/what-to-do-when-your-friend-loses-a-baby

Peace Dear Ones.

9 Food Tips

1.       Hard boiled eggs have become the fashion around here. Now that Owen can eat eggs he asks for one at almost every meal. I am here to inform anybody who’s interested that it is far more effective to:

Boil the pot of water, then add eggs and cook at a low simmer for 10-11 minutes. Shock in ice water immediately.

Do NOT:

Put the eggs in cold water, bring to a boil, then shut off heat and steam with lid on for 10 minutes.

I don’t care if that’s what Julia Child says to do, the shell removal process is far worse. (I’ve tested this with new eggs, old eggs, and similarly-aged eggs.)

2.       The only luck Roy and I have had with our own sourdough starter involves these strategies:

100 g bread flour to 100 g water. Mix together, loosely cover with plastic wrap (it’s not a tight seal) and leave on the stove top with the light on. Repeat this process, adding additional flour/water for two more days. If you use the stove to cook/bake with, the extra ambient heat only helps.

3.       Coconut oatmeal cookies are far better when you add imitation almond extract to the batter (imitation for Owen). Chilling the dough doesn’t affect the spread rate of these cookies so bake away!

4.       If you shop at Wegmans, among other stores, make your entire grocery list using their app. Then when you are in other stores (Aldi, Walmart, Topps, etc) you can see the Wegmans prices and do an instant cost comparison.

5.       Foods I’ve recently learned are high in iron: pumpkin seeds, dark chocolate (very dark), Brussels sprouts, oatmeal.

6.       Avocado smashed on toast with a sliced hard boiled egg, a little whole grain mustard, and salt and pepper is to die for. Unfortunately, avocados are at record costs right now.

7.       A blender makes better, far creamier cashew cream sauce than a food processor.

8.       If you use your phone or tablet for recipes in the kitchen Paprika is the BEST app for saving recipes and utilizing in the kitchen. It automatically keeps your phone open so you aren’t constantly having to re-wake it up with floury/greasy fingers. And you can type in your own notes/add nutrition info/categorize/etc, etc, etc. It isn’t free, but it's the most useful app I’ve found in years.

9. The Great British Baking Show Masterclass is like getting the answer key to the show. And Paul and Mary are absolutely HILARIOUS to watch together. Netflix. You're welcome. :)

Tropical Green Smoothie w/ Iron

1 c. SO Delicious Original Coconutmilk
1/2 frozen banana
1/2 c. frozen mango
1 heaping handful of baby spinach (1.5 cups)
A few drops of coconut extract

Blend until combined. Add a few ice cubes through the top of the blender (if you keep the little top circular piece out it helps the airflow and blending). Pour and enjoy.

200 calories

April Photo Drop

Springtime Fun with Hamways

Owen only wanted Alexa. So did James, but they didn't stand still long enough for a picture. This is at Olivia's big party.

And this is my sweet little one-year-old goddaughter on her very first birth DAY!

We stick our tongues out at each other a lot.

Blessing Owen.

Birthday cupcake! (I made it!)

She ate the whole thing.

Annual Smith-Hamway Easter Egg Hunt

Owen proved to be too good at finding eggs, much to the older kids' chagrin.

But the 5 year olds still cleaned house.

Adventures in Food and Drink

Lunch by myself at Core Life Eatery

A surprise visit to Salvatores for the best chicken pizza.

Never have to pester them about eating this meal.

Worth the extra-long walk in the stroller.

The icing tip my sister in law lent me that my garbage disposal ate for a snack. (No worries Melissa--it's been replaced! This picture was taken specifically so I could get the exact number/make!)

Probably my proudest moment in baking so far. Olivia's cupcakes.

Glucose challenge. Good news: I passed the diabetes test. Bad news: I'm anemic. But as my friend told me, "That's great! You still get to eat all the desserts and now you have every excuse to buy steak." I'm with her. 

James and Owen made an Easter Dirt Cake garden.

They did a great job! And Owen even came around to eating some once he realized that the dirt was not "veddy veddy stinky" and actually cookies.

Robin's Egg Speckled Coconut Malt cake. Mommy's contribution to the Easter table.

Easter desserts plus a random tub of hummus.

Speaking of Easter

Veddy veddy excited to see Nama, Papa, and Aunt Martha

How long do we get to stay?!?

The weather couldn't have been nicer. 

Kicking the ball down the hill...

...So that they could chase it and tumble in heaps at the bottom.

Will it fit in there?

Owen still managed to enjoy dirt of both varieties this Easter.

The hat! That face! Swoon.

Picking flowers for Mommy. And Nama. And Aunt Martha. And Aunt Melissa. And then some more for Mommy.

Toasting marshmallows.

James is getting quite good at it.