My VWH has done a commendable job of supporting me in my job transition. Initially I was overwhelmed, quickly followed by boredom. There have been times of frustration and I've even taken offense at how little I seem to matter to the inner workings of my office. ("I have a title, for crying out loud!") Well, of course, everybody has a title, and everybody has different levels of power and, of course, I'm at the low end of the totem pole. I suppose I thought working at a Christian institution would be different, but it's really not. My pride has taken lots of hits, which is probably a very good thing. VWH reminds me to have a servant's heart and encourages me to find peace where I am. (Not an easy thing for an overachieving perfectionist who wants to succeed NOW!) :)
The big events that I plan are, in many ways, the highlights of my job. To finally meet the attendees and show them around, answer questions, etc. is fulfilling to me at a level that easily exceeds emailing and paperwork. Our first big event was held a few weeks ago and pushed me to the limits in finding humility. My supervisor seemed to be especially power-hungry and unable to trust me to take care of my responsibilties. Everything was questioned, changed, adjusted, and scolded. She walked around grandly while I struggled to follow behind, invariably lugging heavy bins of materials for the visitors. By the end of the day I was exhausted, frustrated, and angry. I wanted nothing more than to be be vindicated by the VWH and hear a little righteous, protective, spousal anger. "Nobody treats my wife that way..." "I'm going to go over and give her a piece of my mind..." "You should just quit." (That one was probably too good to be true.)
Yeah--that didn't happen. VWH challenged me again to pray and put into perspective and persist. I found a gentle scolding in place of my anticipated cuddle and coddle. It was a very good thing--one that I mulled over the weekend before returning a renewed woman.
Our second event was yesterday. I went with fear and trepidation, but also reminded to do my best in my role, however insignificant. The joy of the Lord was my strength. :) Check-in went beautifully and the group of 100+ people settled into their hour-long overview. My supervisor collapsed next to me and we sat in silence for a few moments before she began speaking. ("Oh no, here it comes. What did I do wrong now...") Instead, "Julie, I just want to let you know that our next event in November will be very difficult for me. It's the anniversary of my daughter's death."
Over the next hour she recounted, in great detail, the tragic day six years ago when her only daughter, a high schooler, committed suicide by standing in front of an oncoming train. We both fought tears as she shared the grief and guilt she experienced and continues to deal with on a daily basis. I marveled at her transparency with me, her underling, and the trust she demonstrated by sharing such painful details. I was completely and totally humbled.
Perspective is a surprising and extremely powerful thing.
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Let me find Your strength in quietness and strength. Break down my foolishness and selfishness. Put me where You want me...not where I want me. Make me an instrument of Your peace."
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